Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
