i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He shit in the fireplace
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
