Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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