So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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