i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
