Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think people are normalizing furries
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
