Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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