I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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