Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
