Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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