I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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