I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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