Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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