Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
