The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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