I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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