y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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