I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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