Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
