dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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