when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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