i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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