THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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