I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
