dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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