Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize