I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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