sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
