I wish life had little blips of pornography
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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