I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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