i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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