I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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