Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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