I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
