i just made my gag reflex go away.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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