why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
