Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
