I'm lost and stupid without you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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