I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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