Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize