Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
