Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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