The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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