so that wasnt chicken after all
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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