dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
