I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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