He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
