im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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