I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
