I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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