dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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