Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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