Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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