the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
