i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize