What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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