u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
