It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
