I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
