hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
