Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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