I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
