That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
