We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
