I just gift wrapped bread.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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