Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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