he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
