He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
